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Not sure whether to read this in “my excited voice” or “my drunk voice.”

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Ice cream cones costing more than fifty cents need not apply.

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To err is human. Jerry is human. Get off Jerry’s back, he’ll fix the sign and stick something on that second, blank, auxiliary sign as soon as he can. What are you, perfect? 

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A Notary Monster at the petroleum-branded deli. The script writes itself. (photo courtesy of Evan Finch)

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“Look, let’s cut the crap. Is it not obvious to you people what we want you to do?” 

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Okay, first, my tastebuds are not what needs quenching. Secondly, this demonstrates why the person who argued against the permanent “Today’s Flavor” heading probably should have won. 

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Not sure if the author/punctuator needed more caffeine or less.

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As long as it’s no one I know. (via @keewood)

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Not in front of the children, please.